1. I feel guilty every time I do.
2. my little sister knows and she's worried
3. my boyfriend knows and he's had nightmares about it
4. I had to have a friend's help last time because I got staples stuck in my leg. It was embarassing.
5. I'd rather run. If I'm feeling physical pain I'd rather it be healthy.
6. blood is messy and it stains I ruined my favorite shorts this way.
7. people judge you
8. the scars are just a reminder of when I was weak, I hate reminders like that.
9. I can't help people if I'm too consumed in myself
10. infection is a B, and if I suddenly flip into a manic episode I might not care for the wound properly.
11. I don't have any kids yet, but I never want them to see that.
12. I hate hospitals (though I want to be a surgeon...)
13. If I do it down in Mississippi, the adolescent ward is a nightmare and I can't let myself go back there.
14. If I'm something that can just be cut up and thrown away, my mother was right.
15. I want to have a future where I'm stable, not always explaining scars dragging up old memories.

and lastly:
I don't want anything to control me, not even my own head