I don't know whether or not BDSM is affiliated with BPD in particular, nor do I know if it's associated with mental illness in general, but I do know that it's relatively healthy for those who are curious, interested and able to perform BDSM within healthy guidelines. It's not something one can wake-up and decide on one day. It's generally built up or a lifestyle choice.

As for me, I am bipolar and I built up into becoming interested in BDSM. It started with one fantasy, then another, and then it became something I have a serious interest in and would like to try with a partner. I am still a virgin, so that would be something to incorporate over time, but I've shared some fantasies with my boyfriend and he is open to them, but we are taking things slowly.

Is it associated with my mental illness? Possibly, but I believe it is with a combination of loneliness, bipolar, watching porn, and having a desire to be strongly open to exploring myself. I've tried out different toys, lingerie/outfits and have used paddles and riding crops, etc. on myself and I enjoy trying different outlets.

There is no such thing as having a wrong sense of identity or sexuality. There are obviously fantasies that you don't enjoy or wouldn't enjoy indulging in (for example, I could never do scat play, med play, rubber suits or any types of masks) but that doesn't mean it's wrong for others to indulge in those fantasies. Whatever works for you works.

There are lines where BDSM can become dangerous, but as far as fantasy wise, it's a very natural experience to have those fantasies. It doesn't mean you will or have to act on them, but for many people, stress can be a big factor into fantasies. Personally, my fantasies can be very violent when I'm under stress, but it doesn't mean I want to hurt people in real life.

I would suggest identifying where the fantasies are coming from. Are you under stress? Did you and a spouse/partner have a fight recently? Are you struggling with work or finances? Does it turn you on to act out those fantasies to the point where you would consider asking your partner to engage in these fantasies?

Hope this helps.