I didn't realize I joined this site back in 2009. My sanity score then was 127.. as I've aged and at this point in my life.. 134.. and that's not with being totally honest and I dont know what to do. Sometimes my depression/ptsd is overwhelming. I drink more than I ever did before. Even with being on meds.. I feel like I'm only half a person..from the outside looking in. I've been through so much in my life and finally thought I had it together. I got through sexual assault, an abusive childhood, chronic anxiety, duis, my job related stress.. or so I thought and now it seems everything in my life is fear based or full of a compulsive rage. It's affected my relationship to the point where I fear there is no trust in him towards me. This only adds to the anxiety and fear b/c I never know when I'm going to be hacked or ridiculed for things I've said on Facebook, things I've posted to express myself rather than keep it bundled all inside until I'm ready to explode. I feel like I just need insight right now.. The progression over 17 years of crippling mental health issues has finally taken its toll on me to the point where I feel like I just need to be locked up somewhere, though I can't do that due to insurance/the demands of my profession. *sigh* I really just need some support. I've never felt so isolated in my life and the brick on my chest makes it hard to even breathe sometimes..Sorry for ranting.. just felt like if i didn't get that out it would ruin my whole day. Not that it got off to such a great start to begin with

Thanks for listening.
Sweetelisum