My sister has been in a bad marriage for 15+ years. Her husband is emotionally unavailable and emotionally abusive. I have been listening to her problems about this guy for 15 years and have urged her to leave him on many occasions. They have 2 school aged kids and that has been her reason for staying. Also feels her particular faith binds her to the marriage. She has a great job and makes more money than her husband.

Over the last several months, with the help of her therapist, she decided to give her husband an ultimatum--either get help or she was leaving. I listened to all this and was proud of her for finally doing SOMETHING! She said she would give him the ultimatum when she finished a project she was working on for her business that was time consuming.

Next thing I know, she tells me hubby is being much nicer to her and the kids, trying hard to please her. ( because he knows he was on the verge of a separation ). I told her he changed due to the threat to his current lifestyle and not for any deeper reasons. All of a sudden, my sisters response to me when I ask about the relationship is I don't want to talk about it. " I refuse to talk about it " I ask, What happen to your plan of just a few weeks ago? She won't discuss it.

My beef is as a concerned sister who listened to this woman cry, complain and ask advice for 15 yrs, that now I am being asked not to bring up the topic because she doesn't want to discuss it. As a sister, I am very emotionally invested in the whole mess--15 years is a long time. I told my sister that my feeling are very hurt that now she shut me out because she made this choice. I know that just because she is my sister doesn't mean her life is any of my business but I feel very used. I'm good enough when there is a problem or she needs comfort but otherwise, bug off!

Can someone help me to validate these feelings toward my sister? Am I over reacting? I really do feel hurt and used and next time she has a problem with this guy, I really don't think I will want to talk about it! I need to get over it but I must try to understand my feelings first. Thanks in advance.