thanks
yes
its sort of a catch 22...in a way...
i have schizophrenia. which because of my diagnosis is supposed to open up doors for much intensive help. BUT at the same time not only is it limited help meaning if there was any at all they can take only very few people but also very few professionals specialize in working with patients with it at that - so finding borderline good help is close to impossible.

except for meds of course.

althought this seemingly catch 22 could be partially because the state im in is at the very bottom of the list of best to worst states for mental health services. literally #50. add on to that i live in the rural so....pft.