I joined this group so I could vent about my situation to others, thanks for listening.
I am on my 2nd marraige 5 yrs now, and it has been a tornado of turmoil, from day one and as i sit here contemplating the whole situation I wonder why I continued to stay for so long when it is so wrong for me. That is where I need help on my issues for sure. I still am in denial and thinking about maybe working on it. Please help me decide.
I was married before for 26 yrs, had 2 children and had to leave that due to my husbands insane addiction to porn and sex and simply I jsut didnt love him anymore. That is another story but I inherited some money at just the right time to be able to leave. As this seperation was going on I met my soon to be 2nd husband. I sold him a house and he kept in touch as alot of clients do, but when I started to confide in him one day about my husband he came on to me strong. I felt like " I still got it", it was good for my ego. So I went head on into another relationship without even healing from the first. I see this now. he had just lost a wife to cancer, he had 2 kids younger than mine and it was obvious without a wife his family was falling apart, the house I sold them within 6 months became uninhabitable, due to cat feces in one bedroom they never cleaned up, trash from one end of the yard to the next, I have never seen that much trash in my life, mostly beer bottles, the kids were a mess. But I kept dating him and he kept asking me to marry him and buying me gifts. I kept thinking no way but I did. we bought a house and moved in together within 6 months. It all started then. It started with him drinking, well he always had but I disnt see it, I am naive when it comes to alcoholics, so I didnt comprehend and sometimes still dont understand how someone can change after a few drinks. but he would rage on my son then 18. My son would retaliate. It got ugly. He was kicked out of the house. Police came becuase my son had a friend over etc. I felt powerless and didnt know what to do. My husbands rules didnt seem to apply to his sons, as they were a few yrs younger. Then he would rage at me if I changed the channel wrong on the tv. It was debilitating. I would get over it after a few days everytime. I would forgive. He would apologize. But I started to lose myself. I didnt work as much. DIdnt feel like doing anything anymore. Didnt hang out with anyone. Walked on eggshells. Then I started to realize his youngest son has issues, ie maybe autism or something. I asked him to get him help. That turned into massive explosions. Everytime I would back down. Kept thinking it must be me as he is always saying, I am a *****, my son is trash etc. So this went on he would drink and I would say something that pissed him off and it would be full blown, then it was over the next day. He has a raging alcoholic father. I have never met his family to this day. Then he got an overseas job in Italy, so I thought that would be nice, we went, and his youngest son then 17. Same things there, the drinking, the issues with his son, isolation. I could not wait to get back to CA , so he got a job back in the CA. We came back and have moved again, even further isolating me, and basically we are in the same situation only talking seperation now, he hates my son for no reason other than he is popular, kind, giving. His son has no friends never leaves his room, is selfish, doesnt shower, never friendly and this is what I deal with all the time. I am at the point where I rufuse to live with his son anymore as he is 19 and hasnt changed, he has literally no one except his dad does not get out of his bed at all except to eat, he calls me a f*ing *****, and my husband thinks this is normal. I am done and now I am again 3000 miles away from my kids, no money to get there, he is in process of getting another job and i am going to take what I can to get back to CA. I am angry at myself for being in this situation. All I wanted to do was have a better life after my last husband. I now have no job or security, I will have to live with my daughter to get past this. It is literally like a nightmare.
I grew up abandoned by my father , so I dont know why I would pick emotionally abusive men. Any thoughts?