I don't know what to say Leslie, but I care about you very much. I will share with you my big talk with God yesterday... the universe called me on my **** and I have crumbled to the point where I'm admitting I have no clue what I'm doing, that I'm a sinner and just a plain human, and give it up to Him to show me my path and guide me through the darkness. My struggles are not comparable to yours, mine are so small compared to losing your mom and your son. I spent some time with my friend Susan yesterday, the one who lost her 30 yr old son to an accidental heroin overdose almost exactly one year before Jason's. She has a special affinity for my older son which I'm so grateful for, she has been there a lot for me with getting him through rehab. Her dad died suddenly when she was a young girl, we cried together about how much we miss our dads, and about her son, and her divorce she's going through. I don't know exactly what my point is, I guess I wish you 2 could be friends in real life. I wish I could help you in real life and give you a real hug.