My heart's been racing, sometimes I feel it thud pumping in my chest, been a few days now I'm in a panic mode, not sleeping well. Drinking to try to quell the anxiety, big crying spells, intense irritability, pacing, shaking, hanging my head down shaking it sadly, thinking people are so evil like this kid who kicked my son in his back, like the principal and teacher who are punishing my son for calling this kid a name after it happened, they're not acknowledging that another kid physically assaulted my kid, why think a kid is evil, kids aren't evil.

That all sounds really bad when I list it like that...

My sister said I sound unwell, and that I'm sick a lot, that was a big blow. But she's right, and concerned, I suppose I'm not making sense when I talk to her and she's telling me to slow down and calm down and breathe.

I backed up into bf's truck door yesterday, totally sober... I started backing up without looking behind me to see that his door was open. Now it won't close all the way. He tried to be nice to me about it but just left, I could tell he was very angry. He called me a couple hours later saying that he just spent an hour on phone with his insurance and that they'll be calling me. Luckily my insurance payment just went through, it overdrew my bank account on Thursday. He doesn't really care that much about me, it's obviously a pointless relationship. He's now bringing up the money I owe him, that last week he said I wouldn't have to repay.

I need to try and sleep, but I also need to go clean my car and sell it, and find any jewelry to sell. How will I pay him back? Now I've got a "car accident" from when I was only rolling slowly backward in my driveway, he says it's at least a few thousand dollars worth of damage. Can't believe I did that.

I've lost my health insurance couldn't pay it. Been out of klonopin for a week now and my heart is racing. I don't think it's time for hospital I just think I need rest and to talk this lame **** through.

Could I be in mania or do you guys think this is just a normal nervous breakdown like anyone would get from this much stress?? Am I supposed to go to the hospital for this? I always pictured going to the hospital would only be if I'm not safe, like about to hurt myself or others. But I feel pretty crazy right now. I think I can ride it out...