I am sorry that you are in such pain. You are not alone.
An emotional affair can be as damaging as a sexual affair. God wants all of us. I, too was sexually abused by my own father from the age of 7. We tend to self sabotage our own relationships so don't be so hard on yourself. It is a result of the abuse. Try and get yourself a good, caring therapist. Please, hold on and know that you are not alone.