I’m not sure if this is linked to dissociating. I’ve written another post about what happened to me: forums.psychcentral.com/survivors-abuse/270287-emotional-neglect.html[/url]

The way I went through trauma was odd. Were no physical attributes that caused the trauma. Was just an overwhelming of emotional stress.

I don’t remember anything physically during the trauma period. Have a vague idea on my emotional state and was conscious enough to make sure I didn’t do anything bad. This happened from Aug 2008 till Feb 2009. During this time, I went into a survival mode, was back-track erasing what was going on. For example, would live in 12:01, then at 12:02, would forget what happened in 12:01. Except this happened every couple of seconds, and became extremely difficult to remember what had just happened. This only started slightly improving after Feb 2009, where it’d only be for a minute, then to a couple of minutes, then maybe an hour, up until June 2011 when I left being in boarding school, in that environment with everything going on.

Though since then, feels like my minds stuck in that survival mode. Currently, can get a general idea of what’s happened during a day. But I need to stop, think of what day it is, the possibilities of what could have happened for that day. Only then do I know what went on. Doesn’t feel like a memory wipe, but that I detach myself from what just happened. Very reminiscent to dissociating during the trauma period, just not as bad.

Makes it very difficult to grow. I’d watch a movie I love, then after a while, would forget (detach) that it happened. But this happens in all aspects. Can’t develop interests. Can’t see beyond tomorrow, only stuck in today. Yesterday feels like it didn’t happen. But now this has been going on for 5 and a half years and I don’t know what to do

P.S. – Sorry in advance if I don’t reply straight away. Never opened up to anyone and find it difficult to say something next. But I’m gonna try and reply quicker.

Appreciate you reading this. Thanks