So I just this burst of energy and went outside, the sun was out a little for the first time in days... I swept my garage, it was bad dirty, with a broken half mop, I have no broom... back breaker for sure.

I found my car insurance info and called bf, he didn't answer, he almost always answers cuz I call less than he does. So I think he's ignoring me. I don't know why he contacted insurance without discussing with me, he acted so innocent about it yesterday said, "I just assumed everyone has insurance" ... he's quite judgmental of anyone not so perfect as himself. I was texting with a gf for another sanity check and she agrees you don't really just call insurance without disucssing with person you're in a relationship with. She said, shouldn't it be more like, "honey what should we do about this?" He never really talks that sweet to me, makes me sad to think I have been trying to keep this going with him. So, I just left him a message that I need to get all his insurance and vehicle info so I can call it in and let the agencies deal with each other on it. He really confuses me, I asked him yesterday if this means he's done with me, and he got mad at me, pretty much yelled at me asking why do I think like thatk, and I cried and he tried to reassure me a bit but got off the phone quickly.

Maybe he's mad about the reason I left for the store yesterday, it was because I wanted wine, and I was clear about how I felt a strong desire for alcohol and it was all I could think about and wanted something to ease my nerves. I'm not proud of it, and was honest with him. But he's an alcoholic, an admittedly "highly functioning" one... ok maybe i'll go back to alanon tomorrow nihjt

I ate an apple but feel sick to my stomach, haven't really been eating.

Very proud of myself though for getting something done in the garage, and ride out this storm til my rainbows come.