To me, it seems like you are trying to be strong enough and show that you care by remaining friends with him. You may even be asking the questions in order to get yourself used to hearing what you don't necessarily want to hear. You think that by facing the situation, it will help you come to terms with the reality of your situation. You can either separate yourself from it or stick with what you are doing, but it seems like the situation isn't really letting you be honest with yourself...or your friends. Good luck. I know it's hard to find balance between what you think is good for others and what you think is good for yourself.