I suddenly find myself in free-fall. I've been struggling a bit for a couple of months now. But suddenly, I seem to be falling fast. I've been diagnosed with major depression & anxiety disorder. At various times it has also been suggested that I have OCD, schizoid ideation, bi-polar depression... each professional I've seen over the years has had a little different take on what's going on with me. I'm also suicidal & have self-abusive behaviors. I think that, when I was younger, I probably could have been diagnosed with BPD. But my current testing no longer bears this out.

I have a psychiatrist & I'm on Cymbalta. Until quite recently, I also had a therapist. But I quit her because it just wasn't helpful. Oh, & I'm also a life-long transsexual (MtF) but I never transitioned. I've always lived as a man & intend to continue to do so. Still this is an important part of my psychological make-up &, as I've gotten older, it has become an even more dominant part of my make-up.

My problem is that I don't know what to do to interrupt my downward spiral. I can, & probably will, get more meds from my psychiatrist. But traditionally, meds haven't been of much help. I've thought about seeing if I could be hospitalized on a voluntary basis. But I don't know what they could do for me either. So I don't know what to do. I feel myself slipping further & further & I just can't think of anything useful to do. Has anyone else had this kind of experience? What did you do?