what a strange strange day!!

that man i was telling you about, the one with the cancer. i found out something quite shocking today, i will explain the best i can...

basically his carer/friend (lets call her "D") found out 2 weeks ago that (lets call the cancer sufferer "P") hadnt told her the whole truth about his ilness, apparently he had been lying to her about some of it and she didnt know what. he admitted to a therapist on their first session that he isnt telling the whole truth but didnt say why...

that was 2 weeks ago, then last week i had that conversation with him that i told you about.

then last friday D told P to book an appointment with his doctor that the both of them can go to so she can get the full picture of hgis illness that hes had for 2 years (hes never told her the names of the cancer etc, he always claims he cant remember them) and when D went to his doctors with him today she found out that he hasnt had cancer at all. the doctor told D that P has never had cancer and the medication he is on (that he claims is fir the cancer) is indegestion treatment. the ONLY thing wrong with P is indegestion. he has NO brain tumours, and no stomach cancer...nothing. he lied to D for nearly 19 years about this and he allowed me to put my trust in him and i opened up to him last week. i was prepared to be there for him and i feel really decieved. i feel even worse for D, as she has put her life on hold for him and she has always been there for him. he knew what he was doing, he knew he was lying, because he constantly lied about tests he was having - hed go to the hospital and sit int here for an hour or so then come out saying they had done scans etc, when they hadnt. and of course, D believed him because you wouldnt doubt something like that. its too sick to lie about. but he was, and he has led everyone to believe he only has a few years left to live.

now obviously i am so glad he isnt going to die, that goes without saying. but that is so sick what he has done, it actually upsets me and is currently triggering other things for me. things that id rather not deal with right now!! i have enough on my plate!!

i feel abit sad about that right now, i feel let down, especially as i trusted him and told him about my past thinking it would help him. i laid my own emotions and past ont he line just to show him he has help through his cancer. and it was all built on a sea of lies. i feel exposed right now, and i know the focus isnt on me, but i put so much trust in him last week. last time i did that i was let down badly then too.

i dont know how to handle the situation from now on. i feel hurt, decieved, and stupid for opening up to him. i just feel let down. god only knows how D must be feelign right now after putting her own marriage ont he line to help him through what she thought was cancer...when all along he had nothing wrong. it just makes me feel sick because i was preparing to help him and preparing for the day i hear he had died. it hurts because ive lost family members to cancer and ive seen my mum die (although that wasnt cancer) so i know how hard death can be. and i feel he has trampled all over that. i have had people decieve me before, obviously not about something as harsh as this, and im not taking it personally. but it took so much out of me to do what i did last week but i was prepared to be there for him through the hard times just to help him get by that little easier. and he knew that. yet he still lied. ho much of a fool am i!!

obviously he has some sort of mental illness to make up something like that, so i dont know if i need to be angry with him, or sympathetic. i really dont knwo what to do. i want to support D now as it must be so hard for her. i think i will focus on her and move on from it. the only trouble is i work right next to P. makes me want to hand my notice in quicker!!

what shall i do? any suggestions are appreciated.

simon

p.s. sorry about the long post, just had alot to say ont he matter.