This thought is actually quite terrifying to me. I know I need help, but the thought that a medication will take away ANY part of me is paralyzing. I've been trying (and failing) to manage it on my own for a very long time.

And in about a month I'll be starting a medication... which one/ones... and how much... I don't know yet. How will I change? What will be the side effects? Will it be worth it? Will it help at all? What if it doesn't help? What if I never get better? Maybe this is just how I'm SUPPOSED to be?

It's one of those things that I'm trying not to think about. Because when I start thinking about it, it's hard to stop thinking about it.