Forget 'Oh, this stuff just makes me more manic more often', but that plus zoloft can't even seem to keep me out of depression not caused by outside stuff.

It's like, they have ONE job to do, and they're doing a damn good job screwing it up!

I don't even know what my emotions are doing right now. I keep bursting into tears and hating myself. I've completely lost my appetite, I had to force myself to eat and even then the dang fitness app on my phone keeps telling me it's not enough. I don't think I really care, though.

I'm in a surprising amount of pain from my manic-induced exercise binge two days ago, but I feel like I deserve it. I deserve it for telling my best friend I'd never dream of making myself throw up to get rid of the food I'd binged on right after actually doing it. I can't think of anything else off the top of my head, but I'm sure there're a million reasons why I deserve to feel like ****.

I suck at giving advice but continue to try to do so anyway. There! There's another reason.

There are only two reasons I didn't hurt myself today. One is that I really don't need more scars. The other was I realized I would be late for a chemistry exam if I did. I settled for cutting out the two warts on my hand because I was fed up with a million other treatments failing. I wish you could just cut out bipolar. Just suck it up and endure a bit of pain for a moment, then it's gone.