Hi guys,

I apologize in advance that this is really long -I'm big on context!

I got an e-mail from my boss today which upset me, maybe you can help me gain some perspective.

To give some context, I have therapy once a week, psychiatrist every 2-6 weeks and also a monthly appointment at a Pain Clinic for a chronic pain condition.

And then there's the occasional PCP or gyn appt., but very few and far between.

I used to work alongside my boss (we had a series of layoffs, my position was eliminated and now I have a different position) and I know from experience that she is more open and willing to allow for scheduling changes for staff when it comes to school, family, and transportation issues than medical issues (in fact a colleague of mine just changed his entire weekly schedule because it would be more convenient for him in catching his train, although this wasn't absolutely necessary -I know, he's a friend of mine; also I asked him and he said our boss had no problem with it).

I have historically gotten a lot of push back with schedule issues due to psych/medical appointments, whereas I've seen her deal with schedule changes for other reasons with no push-back.

A couple of years ago, when I was in my old position, my therapist changed his schedule, and the only time (without doing therapy and then going back to work, which is just not possible for me personally) I could be seen was at 3:30. So I needed to change my schedule one day a week. It was a big deal, it affected operations -to a point- so I get it, but I ended up going into a good 2 weeks of negotiations with my boss and her boss about this. At first they said no. My boss insisted that I do it during lunch, I had to explain why I just couldn't (which was very embarrassing for me). They eventually allowed it, but very grudgingly. I felt horrible and exposed telling her what it was for (I had to in these negotiations), she was really mad about it, it was pretty awful. Eventually I was allowed to change my schedule that one day a week. Maybe I should just be grateful she eventually allowed it, but it was an upsetting process.

That said, I have these other appointments that I mentioned. I always schedule them during lunch (which we're encouraged to do) to avoid affecting operations, but it does require having lunch at a very specific time (our lunches usually vary according to what's going on at any given moment/we do not choose when), so it does affect things. She's expressed some exasperation about how these appts affect operations, won't get into details here.

All of that said, we have to let her know of schedule changes (for us this includes asking for lunch at a specific time) 2 weeks in advance --I always do and often far more in advance. I also let staff know if I think it might go over lunch, because in our department that helps them plan things, and on a couple of occasions I've called from appointments to tell staff that it's going longer than I thought and I'll be done in x amount of time.

(I work in a hospital and all of my appointments are at clinics at the hospital, so I usually don't go over lunch and when I do, by no more than about 15 mins).

To my point/what upset me: Today I e-mailed my boss asking her if I could change my schedule by one hour on my therapy day (my therapist pushed up our appt by an hour for this week) because this way I wouldn't have an hour wait between work and therapy. I didn't tell her why in my request because it's personal (and the fact is, as above, she knows exactly what I do after work that day anyway).

She replied saying she didn't want to do so unless it's for something 'specific.' So I wrote back and told her my appointment had been changed to later (yuck, but I guess necessary -I'm a very private person and especially when it comes to mental health stuff).

So she responded no, because it's not absolutely necessary. I do agree/get it in principal -although I have to say that since that day I don't have my normal schedule, I'm not actually needed that early, I'm kind of extra, but whatever.

But this is what bothered me:

I understand, however, we already count on you being here at 7am on Wednesday. I think I make enough concessions, schedule-wise, and would rather not make any changes when not necessary.

Very possibly an over-reaction, but what hit me in the gut was "I think I make enough concessions." This refers, of course, to my psych and medical appointments. (The not making schedule changes when not necessary I am okay with).

My feeling is that these appointments are medically necessary and I don't like them being seen as 'concessions,' or the tone of "I make enough."

When I read the e-mail I immediately felt ashamed, embarrassed, soon to be followed by angry. I'm reasonably sure (another story) that she knows a lot of these appointments are with a psychiatrist. If she were 'annoyed' by just regular medical appointments, I don't think it would get this reaction out of me. I'm so private (up until posting on PC!) and I just feel all this struggle over schedules brings out in the open the kind of treatment I'm receiving and it makes me very uncomfortable.

I'm pretty sure I'm overreacting and my own shame is probably dictating much of my reaction... I'm also probably reading into what she is writing. I just find it upsetting and it makes me think back to all the struggle over my therapy appointment and -ugh.

So what do you guys think? Would any of you react negatively to this?

Have any of you guys had trouble with your boss when it comes to therapist and/or psychiatrist appts during work-time?

Also, for the lawyers out there, how does workplace law weigh in on medically necessary treatment vis a vis 'accommodations' such as these at work? Do employees have certain rights here, or is it entirely at the discretion of one's boss?

Thanks if you made it to the end and in advance for any comments!