i couldnt live forever. not in a human body. ive been here a short time compared to most but a long time for me. 13 years by itself was too much to begin with.

i tried to commit suicide at 13. 15. 20 and right before i turned 22.

the bible does not see suicide as a way to heaven. when im suicidal i think about the afterlife so much. id say this is the main thing that has halted previous thoughts of suicide turning into actions. sure some maybe say "thats a GREAT thing" but i feel as if they only say that from the "other side" POV. the selfishness of others wanting you to be here.

mental illness is very tormenting.

i can easily say i will most likely go by suicide. its more of a question of WHEN i guess by now.