Thanks for bringing this up everyone, I've never discussed it with anyone! I don't want to fake it, but like everyone else is saying with their depression or feelings, I do try to put on a happy public face as much as I can manage.

The most painful part like Neversolost just commented is also for me feeling like my whole life is fake. And it makes me feel more isolated. It's so nice to talk to or hear from people like hear on the forum who know what it's like, and I don't feel like I have to fake anything.