Quote:
Originally Posted by Lillyleaf
Hello 
I was wondering to myself in my mixed episode state wondering who am I without my thoughts? Who could I possibly be if I don't have my thoughts. When ever I am put on meds I feel like to lose myself. I become someone that isn't me. Prozac made me feel distant from the person I was. Not not knowing who I was, but as if my memories were no longer my own. It was as if I was another person.
Now I'm on Lemectal and although it isn't working all to well and I Need a higher dosage I feel like I'm losing myself in the process.
It in fact changes my thoughts, or how I think.
So, I ask... who am I but my thoughts.
Bipolar isn't simply my mood that changes, but it changes me.
Thoughts? Opinions?
THanks so much!
Lillyleaf |
Heya hun,
I've known you for a while now, and understand that these have been a turbulent few years for you. I'll be honest, you'll probably have a few more of those...teenage years aren't easy! You saw me through some of mine, and saw how cuckoo I got during some of it.
What's really going to get you through this, and really last in the future is yourself. It's not medications, it's not anyone else else; Those can have an impact, but the thing that's truly going to make all the difference in the world is you, your sense of self, and the direction you choose to go.
Based on what I know, I don't think meds are going to do much for you. If you find one that works, that's okay, but you shouldn't be sacrificing any of who you are, in an attempt to feel better. Remember that video I linked you to? To quote, "Recovery doesn't mean relief. It means you get to deal with life on life's terms. It means you get to experience sadness and anger and loneliness and fear, and you get to look at in the eye, and you get to make a choice. Every day I make a choice that everything I do is going to bring me towards happiness and freedom."
You're a wonderful person, and I don't want to see meds changing you. Please don't lose yourself....you're too precious to be lost to the world.