Harley thank you so much for your kind response. I have told my H that "O"'s are not a sign of success or failure. The trip there is worth the ride, the end result is just not always wonderful and it doesn't have to be wonderful. The ride must end one way or the other.

Kendyll and Payne thank you for your support. I am seeing a T who specializes in trauma's. My H and I see the same T for marriage T. It is starting to help but I have a long road ahead of me. It helps to have support form folks here. Thank all of you very much.