You know shortandcute

I haven't felt like going either for a few reasons. I was really sick for awhile..well more than awhile a few months. I felt like crap...
Supposedly I had made some friends in the rooms, but you know what...I didn't hear from anyone. No one called me. So I started to get this whole negative attitude about it. Why don't they care? They must not like me because I'm different. I certainly never gave anyone a reason to not like me..so what's the deal?

My head goes to that negative space. My sponsor just tells me to go and I ignore her sometimes and don't. I worry that I'm getting a resentment against the whole group, or at least the people who claimed they supported and cared about me.

I also go into that self-pity place: poor me, no one likes me. It's all very clique-y and I am unique in too many ways to fit in. Why would I want support from people who don't care about me?

My sponsor tells me it's what happens when you don't go to a meeting for awhile, you revert back to old thinking and old ways...serenity starts to fade away.
After all, I could have called them or at least made a better effort to keep the lines of communication open.
I'm not there to make friends, I'm there to be part of a fellowship that supports eachother in staying sober. (And for me that's a life or death kinda deal)

I totally get it though. And the longer I don't go the more I isolate and the more negative my head gets. That's a good sign that I really need a meeting. LOL