"And what does a normal marraige look like?" quote pumpkin

That is a question that you and many others are constantly asking pumpkin, as I mentioned this forum is the busiest forum on the site.

But if you think about the experiment I talked about, the volumes of what that experiment was saying. If we don't see it, if we don't imprint it, we don't know what it is suppose to be like. It isn't your fault because you didn't get to see it, your father left, most likely because "he" didn't know what to do either. So many truely don't realize what kind of "baggage" they carry because of what they didn't get to see growing up. Remember, we are born with a clean slate for a subconscious, so just like that monkey, if we don't have it, we "do" feel alone, and the less we have, the harder it can be to connect.

While a marriage is work, it certainly should not be the amount of work you are discribing, and someone should truely not fear their mate as you are discribing.
And just because your father abandoned you, that had no bearing on your worth at all. However so many children "do" feel it is because "they" are not worthy somehow.

Human beings on the one hand are too smart for their own good because they tend to "self blame" for things they should not self blame for. However on the other hand, human beings are smart enough to learn how to do things "inspite of". The problem is, the self blaming can get in the way, simply because they didn't get healthy imprinting.

Yes, you need to examine your "negetive imprinting" and stop the self blaming pattern. And don't think you are alone with that challenge either, just sit back and see how busy this forum is, and how many people, including nonmembers are reading it. It's a damn epedemic, so it isn't just you struggling.

Human beings truely need a pattern just like all other mammels, to follow. When there is a pattern offered, for all mammels, including human beings, things go well and "thriving" takes place.

We have been practicing "throw away relationships" and the divorce rate has been climbing for the past 30 years. And because of that, there has been an increase in people who struggle with relationships, as well as other things.

And the other thing that has caused alot of harm is the generation where children were to be seen and "not heard", that passed down alot of crap too.

You are not alone, really, so stop the self blaming and open yourself up to "learning".
We have this marvelous brain you know, very capable of learning and it does just that "all our lives".

OE