I am not really sure what to say about this. My boyfriend has been pretty responsive when I am tell him that things bother me. It has taken some time and it is not always easy to have the discussions with him but it is just starting to work. It has taken about two years. To be honest, some times when I have told him that I feel disrespected it has resulted in somewhat of a fight and like you said, it turns onto me. I think it is just my boyfriends way of dealing. He becomes defensive. But, I have given a lot of thought to the situation. I thought about "can I live with this?". Have you thought about that? Is your boyfriend being messy something that you can live with? People can change a little, but will he suddenly become a neat and clean person? Probably not. I am a messy person. My clothes are always on the floor and the bathroom is a disaster. However, my boyfriend is a neat freak. We have had the discussion that I need to become a little neater and that he needs to relax a little. Compromise.

I think that if this something that you can live with, then continue to express your feelings to your boyfriend. If you look at the situation and you think in the long run this is something that you can't let go of and don't want to deal with long term then it might be time to move on. I am so sorry to say that. I am dealing at moment with a similar situation. It has come to a point where I need to look at my relationship and make some decisions. It is not easy and may not end how I or you want. But, you need to do what is best for you and what will make you happy.

I am sorry, this is probably not what you want to hear.