I'm sorry you feel that way. I admit I read your post and had no idea what to say. I should gave you a hug or something. I think like a lot of people on this forum we are trying to figure out at the very least how to cope and not be a miserable mess with depression. Sometimes it takes people time to process what you are saying and come up with advice or at least some words of encouragement. People in this community are professional or mental health experts. We are just people that suffer with mental illness and trying to find a way to manage that. Some people have more coping skills and give really good advice. For myself sometimes a good day for me is one where I hvanet thought about hurting myself. The people on this forum are just that, people struggle with some of the same issues as you.

For myself I found therapy to help and my meds used to help me a little. Everyone is different and people react differntly to medication. I don't know what your specific issues are that trigger your depression or maybe it is just constant sadness or hopelessness for you. I think there is a way to manage it out there. For me I feel hopeful about therapy. To talk with someone and find better ways to deal with emotions and how I feel about myself. Maybe therapy or meds isn't for everyone, but it seams to improve my life.

I know pushing all my feelings inside and pushing through the depression isn't the way to handle it for me. I got through work and school but obessing over sucess still left me feeling empty inside. It didn't lessen the depression, just made me feel so overworked I didn't feel alive anymore. It also caused problems in my marriage and I lost most of my friends because I never felt like doing anything for me. I felt like if I succeed then I deserve to he happy and would feel it, but after I graduated from engineering school I still felt empty and didn't like myself. I thought I wasn't good enough and could do better. For me I think therapy will help me learn how to feel comfortable in my own skin.

I wish you luck in finding a way to improve your life and lessen your depression. Outside of therapy and medication, maybe eating healthy, exercise, sex, or finding something you enjoy to do may help you find life enjoyable or at least bearable. Some people find meaning or strength in religion, but I don't suscribe to a particular faith so I can't comment on that. I think other people find meaning in thier families and hang on for them. I wish you luck in your battle with depression and hope you find something to make things better for you.