Hi dear,

Firstly, I am so sorry to hear that you're a survivor of abuse, and that you've come a long way in battling the resentment and anger in your heart. That can't be easy.

I wanted to give you a :: and tell you that you're not alone. I also get this struggle with trying to build relationships/keep my friends. The only "best friend" I ever had lasted for a while, we met on the first day of the 3rd grade and were inseparable until around the 6th grade but then she found drugs and boys and totally left me. I haven't been able to find anyone I could be as close with as I was with her.

It sucked. Watching her change, her blowing me off, etc. I find myself attracting wicked flake-y people. Especially girls.

Do you find a trend of the kinds of people you make friends with? Are you meeting them in the same way?

Do you ever feel like once you start to get close to someone you feel like ditching them and just being alone?

I feel like a lot of this has to do with depression. Depression can give you those blinders/filter you were talking about. It can blur and hinder your ability to make decisions, it can really impair how you feel about yourself, your self esteem, and how you think about your relationships. Have you ever given this any thought?

I hope this helps, if even just a bit.