>this is something I can't live with.

Yeah, I've had to tell my husband that quite a few times. However, he would never have a bad attitude such as your story of spilling milk on the floor story and ask me what I'm going to do about it. It sounds like your situation is extreme. (Maggots? I knew a couple of people that let their house get like that - the dishes piled up in greasy water so much that when someone tried to extinguish a match, the "dishwater" went on fire! Oh, and I had a pig roommate that would store the dirty dishes in the cupboards and only wash them when she needed a dish for ordinary purposes or gourmet cooking episodes. She ended up marrying an industrial food guy - god knows what happened after that. The day I moved in I started cleaning at the counter and just kept going, discovering the secret horror over the day as I cleaned. The garbage bag was stuck to the wall with filth.) I guess what I'm saying about those other people is that a lot of people have bizarre quirks and failings about housekeeping, and they can be very hard to live with or make it impossible to live with them. These stories are only funny if you don't have to live them. And you shouldn't have to. You need to talk together and be taken seriously.