I think the answer is in resolving your past trauma. It sounds like when you are touched that your mind goes to that place you were 20 years ago. I think as you work through that, you may be more open to being touched and sex. It happens to me sometimes that something reminds me of past events and I get really upset internally about it an connot process it. For me it is when I fail at something. When I fail, I go to a place where I get angry with myself and think I an not worthy and can't do anything right. I think in the same way your being triggered by being touched. When someone touches you, it probalbe feels wrongs and like they are doing it for thier own pleasure and you are devaulued and feel like an object. I may be wrong on that, but I think that is how I would feel if I was in your shoes. I think the key is to learn that when your husband touches you it is out of love and tenderness and not his own satistfaction.

You know yourself better than anyone and I could he way off base. With that being said, I think marriage is about more than sex. It should be about a lifelong commitment and knowing someone will be by your side through thick and thin. There have been times in my marriage where it has been months without sex and other times where it has been almost everyday. I think marriage is more than an agreement to have sex with someone and take on a list of responsibilities. It should he about a lifelong commiment to one another and an attempt to live a happy and healthy life.