Quote:
Originally Posted by Nessa213
I've actually gotten better at picking friends, but for the LONGEST time it felt like I was picking very destructive people. They'd all have their own mess of problems (not saying that it's their fault) but I'd always get dragged into it making MY situation that much worse. Right now, the few friends I have seem to be relatively supportive but I'm having a really hard time opening up to them fully.
I try not to be greedy or needy. I know everyone has their issues and demons. Maybe my main issue is that I don't want to feel like a bother to anyone.
And this part: "Do you ever feel like once you start to get close to someone you feel like ditching them and just being alone?" is SO right on you don't even know. I get too close to someone and I can literally feel myself start to panic. So maybe I push people away on purpose? For some sick and twisted reason...
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I don't know if its a bipolar thing, but I think we can be really self destructive, probably more in our manic phase. I think its like, when we're really manic we want to get so much done and talk to so many people, and then its like, whoa, what the heck did I just do/get myself into?
I feel like I want to help people and then they just end up being flakey and disappointing me. I feel like I criticize people so much its just a lot easier to hang out by myself and with my husband. The only social interaction I have at this point is with my inlaws, my husband, his friend, and my family. I tried to hang out with a girl from 2 jobs ago and she has bailed on me the last 2 times we made plans. She also is depressed (which I didn't know at the time) and I thought we could be close friends. I was even willing to drive to her house and pick her up because she doesn't drive. I throw myself out to people and they end up either using me or being crappy friends in general.
I spend a lot of time reading books and going places on walks by myself. At least I don't have to depend on anyone. I really liked having "work buddies" but I got let go from my last job. I am starting a job next week so I hope it will cheer me up a bit.
Does any of this strike a chord?
Btw, if you have gmail chat, id love to stay in touch more, because this site is horrible at informing you when you have new replies in your thread (I tried subscribing to some threads but it didnt work) my email is
lisalaneland@gmail.com.