Hello everyone. It has been over a year since I've been in these forums, but I'm thankful I remembered them today. I am looking for the support and advice of people who can be objective and honest. I am open to criticism...as this is how we grow..

My dilemma: I have a very close friend who I often confide to about my marital concerns and life in general. We work together, are in a band, hike together...etc. He can be very supportive, but can also be a bit abrasive at times. We had plans for this coming weekend that involved other people. When I let him know my wife wanted to join us, he made excuses. I confronted him via text and learned he is no longer inviting me because he does not like my wife and does not like us being together.

Back story: I have been in a relationship for almost four years, now a marriage. My wife is from am alcoholic family where there is near constant drama with someone - getting DWIs, medical issues, divorce, CPS investigations, etc. My wife is the most functional person in her family....but has chronic medical issues and erratic moods. She often misses work due to various illnesses...some of which are very real..some which make many people question if there is a psychological part of her illness. She is also a good person, though. Nevertheless, I often feel regret. We do not share any real activities together. Due to her illnesses, she often sleeps right after work and I care for her children. I initiate the cooking, cleaning, and house work. I do all the shopping, etc. I have set boundaries and things are a little better than they were...but I feel miserable. Yet. at the same time, I am protective to her and feel a sense of duty. I worry about her children...who are middle school aged. The kids and I have a good relationship. But given the craziness of my wife's family and that their father vacillates between a great guy and a drunk...I feel for them and try to be a good step dad. Yet, I am miserable and dream of a partner who gives me as much as I give. Somebody who is motivated, caring, and can share the delicacies of life with me. A true partner. Instead, I feel lonely and often sad. My wife and I used to have much more heated arguments...but these have dies down lately. I just feel life is passing me by...yet I made a commitment to her "in sickness and in health" that I believe in.

I have confided over time with my close friends, and my mother. They are unanimous in that they do not like how she treats me. The friend I write about has told me "she doesn't bring out the best in you...she doesn't support all of the good things that make you who you are".

As you can see, I am ambivalent - stuck between a support system (one close friend at this moment) who does not agree with my relationship...one that I also question. Yet, it feels horrible that this friend would exclude me from a social event we planned together....because my wife wants to go. She will not cause a scene or anything...but I think he is concerned she will "suck the life" out of the gathering by either making us leave early or generally being negative and not fun to be around. To be honest, I think "I" would have more fun without her too..although it sounds horrible to say. But it angers me that my close friend would specifically exclude her. I would not do this to him even if I didn't like his wife.

Thank you all...I need the view of impartial people...am I being a jerk or a pushover? Should I write my friend off...or consider this yet another reason to move on from my marriage. Big questions....