I have been in a similar situation.

I was in the process of breaking up with the first H, who did not quite treat me well. For a short period of time, we lived with the parents - he with his and I with mine.

We had a mutual friend, a guy. More of my friend than his friend, but still, mutual.

The friend was getting married.

He called me to invite me to the wedding. He said:

“I want to invite you to the wedding.

I do not want to invite (name of first H). I do not want to see (name of first H). I think that (name of first H) has mistreated you, and out of my feelings of loyalty to you, I do not want to see him. However, if you insist, I will invite him, solely for you – I want to give you that choice.”

I went to the wedding alone.

But he gave me the choice.

So he gave me the choice even though first H and I were not living together. Since you and your W live together, I think it behooves your friend to give you the choice EVEN MORE.

Can you communicate that to him somehow?