Quote:
Originally Posted by Sistah
I think I know what you are feeling. I don't know what to do with myself. I know what I'm supposed to do but don't have the desire to do it. I have a therapist that is good. But after I leave her office and think to myself why do I continue to go back. I'm not sure she understands me. She and the group of doctors she works with diagnosed me as having BPD after I was already diagnosed with bipolar. I'm at a point, like you, where I feel like I'm falling out of control and, like you, I feel like I want to try and save myself from hurting myself by checking myself into a psych hospital. I want to know how the hospital thing works. Maybe it could be a new start for us. Let's keep in touch.  |
Hi Sistah: Thanks so much for your comments! Ya know... I LOVED my therapist! If we were meeting as friends over coffee, it would have been great! But going to appointments with her seemed like Rent-a-Friend. I was paying to have her act as my friend since I didn't have any real ones! This really wasn't her fault. At this point in my life, there just simply aren't any changes I can make that wouldn't destroy other people's lives.
Yes, it seems like every professional I see has a little different take with regard to what is going on with me. But, in the end, it always comes down to: "what SSRI do you want?" Currently I'm on Cymbalta & it's the best SSRI I've taken. It's not perfect. But what it does seem to do is to keep a floor under me so that I only go down so far. Then it kicks in & props me back up. I'm doing better today so I guess that has happened again. But my "free-fall" of a few days ago was the lowest I've gone in quite a while & that does concern me.
The other thing that happens is that, when I've had one of these episodes & then come back out of it, I just feel empty. It's kind of like I feel: okay well it's nice to be out of danger but now what? It's just a matter of time before the next episode.
I keep thinking about the hospital as an option. But then I think: well, what can they do for me other than keep me from taking another whack at myself for a week or two. Once I get back out, it will be the same thing all over again. One psychiatrist I saw wanted to do ECT. I know it's safe & effective for some people. But I just can't bring myself to go there. Also, my wife would have a hemorrhage!
So anyway, I guess for now I'm okay again. But tomorrow, or next week, who knows? Yes, let's keep in touch! I've added you as a contact & sent a friend request. Please take care of yourself & get back with me.
