It never feels 'right' or 'fair'. It sucks and it is totally okay to say that it sucks sometimes. I wonder the same things that you've listed before. I don't think we'll ever lose that part of us that wants more or that wants normal, but maybe we just learn to accept what is normal for us and what is healthy for us. It may not be the same as every other person, but, if we can find a way to make it work for us, that is what matters.

I'm sorry that you're going through this and that you have been. I'm sorry that you have to deal with any of this at all. It isn't fair - It just is.

You're never alone though, despite how much it may feel like it. Keep talking, keep sharing.

Best wishes