Quote:
Originally Posted by jrae
I've started thinking about WHY this is happening to me. I've had depression for over 13 years now. And the last 5 have been super hard, very debilitating! So why am I the one who has to suffer like this? Why do I have to be robbed of having a 'regular' life? I live in a small, rural community, so it is easy to notice things. Everyone around me gets their 'regular' life: school, dating, college, good jobs, marriage, kids, and some even dream careers. So how come I don't get any of that?? What did I do to deserve this? I've battled suicidal thoughts for half my life. Where is the logic or sense in that?
|
Hi jrae,
We all have days that you feel like asking, "why me?". But believe it or not, depression is very common these days. Some people are lucky and only experience it for a few months during a difficult time, others have longer bouts, and some of us, like you and me, have it most of their lives. I have been depressed since age 12, I am 26 now. Sometimes I regret that I didn't live life to the fullest when I was younger. It's really not a healthy way to think of it though.
I read in an article somewhere that typically, people with depression usually have a more realistic perspective on life. So, instead of thinking of it as depression, think of it as being a "realist". We see things for how they really are, we can't sugarcoat things. People who say everything is perfect aren't being completely truthful. Life is hard, life sucks, and I don't care if you're the richest, most beautiful person in the world. I don't care if you have a j crew family with a mc mansion and a white picket fence. Everyone has problems. I know sometimes you won't want to hear it, but everyone has to struggle at some point in their lives. Sometimes, people are handed things and seem to have it easier. But I would think of it as, hey, I see life for what it is and nothing more. I'm not phony.
Do you consider yourself creative? If you are or aren't, it can feel really good to express yourself. Even if its something easy liike a paint by number or buying some colored pencils and doodling. It makes me feel a lot better. There are also these templates called mandalas. They are usually symetric, most of them in the form of a circle. The point of them is to calm you down and focus on nothing in your life except coloring them in. If you put some relaxing (not depressing) music on and color for an hour, you have a nice piece of art to hang up and you feel like you've accomplished something. The best part of them is, they're free, you just look up pictures online and print them out.
I have seen countless therapists, psychiatrists, taken lots of different medications, been to the hospital once, went to a day program, etc. I have been through a lot and been depressed for a long time. I hope that what I've said helps you.
I'm here for you, PM me if you'd like to exchange email addy's.
-Lisa