I'm so tired of fighting the urges. I'm tired of trying. Tired of standing. I just want to lie down. Give in. Just give in and everything will be okay for a night. I know for just one night. But all I want is that one night. But all I'll want tomorrow is one more and then one more and one will never be enough. I know slipping would be bad, I can't slip, I don't think I could get back up if I did, I can't I can't I can't. I feel so much shame if I do even just ice. I can't handle this. I'm tired of trying to keep my heart together. I'm tired of straining to keep my head above the water. I'm tired, so very tired.

I'm going to go use ice, maybe that will hold me till morning.