At some point you have to decide whether living with that partner is worth the aggravation.

I kept wishing my husband would take the trash out when it needed to be taken out instead of after it was overflowing all over the floor and I'd reminded him X number of times, etc. but then, as I was taking the trash out myself yet again (before it overflowed :-) I realized that I was the one who wanted the trash out, he didn't really care/it was not high on his list of things to do/care about. I finally decided I had a choice whether I would do all the chores myself, as I'd have to do living alone, or if I would do the chores and live with this great guy I loved and who added things I wanted to my life I couldn't get alone. In other words, I have pets and clean up after them. . .

We were raised completely differently, a lot of it because of our different genders. But how we think is different, what's important to us, our backgrounds, etc. My stepmother was big on the dishes must be done immediately after dinner so I "learned" that and it's hard to realize that that's not the way it "has" to be, just the way I was trained.

If I were you, if he has an "area" I'd clean his stuff off common and your space and into his Otherwise, if you are going to clean anyway, whether it is just messy/dirty or REALLY messy/dirty is not that important? Too, I'd set myself up a schedule of when I wanted to clean and "not notice" in between". Learning to relax and feel instead of "worry" about surroundings has benefits. I have a cleaning person come in every other Tuesday and I get to doing "my" cleaning on Monday night/Tuesday morning before they arrive, LOL. Otherwise, if my husband doesn't mind I don't worry about it unless I need to (he the dish washer but doesn't necessarily do them on my time so I can need to do some to use the kitchen to make dinner, for example -- that's okay though because he makes breakfast most mornings!) or it's my mess. If my husband minds, it's usually my mess :-) If not, he can do some of the cleaning too, we do it together (maybe start some together time straightening?). If you "want" it, it's your job to get it for yourself, not someone else's. They don't want it so they should not have to work to someone else's standards (a good opportunity to look at what your mother demanded/supplied/did not supply, etc. as far as why you do chores/cleaning the way you do).