I can releate to how you feel. I often feel like I am an awful person who doesn't deserve to be happy. I feel like I deserve to have bad things happen to me. Part of this is from my low self esteem and the other part of it is from inappropriate guilt from depression.

I want to believe neither one of us are awful people. We should be able to be happy and enjoy life, but we are stuck feeling miserable. I wish I new how to help you and myself. People that haven't ever had depression have a hard time releating. My family made me feel bad for having it and told me it was all in my head. I don't think that is the case, not completely anyway. I think the way I think and cope has some to do with it, but I think there is also a physical component to it as well. Most normal people don't know what it is like to wake up and wish you hadn't. To begrudgingly try to make it through the day without losing it. Don't let those people get to you. They just lack understanding and sympathy for you. I hope things get better for you.