No pulling for some days which feels good, but my mood has been up and down a LOT. right now I feel anxious and worried - I need to talk to T but she is still sick and I feel crap... I have become too dependent which I swore I wouldn't be. Don't know how to cope with that...

It's like a wall between me and my emotions which I am terrified to tear down. Fearing that I would totally break down if I tore it down...