Dear T, the appt was weird. you said so much last time after i said you felt far away and this week nothing. i think sometimes i am supposed to get the upr from you but not too often. i am sorry i talked about that other thing, i won't anymore. i promise.

and it hurts my feelings when i leave without an appt. you go and get the book, but you have no openings for "me". i feel like when you do that you are trying to tell me to go away forever. part of me thinks its not true, (damn facts) but the other part of me doesn't have an appt. so what am i supposed to think? i think this is kinda mean, like you are trying to teach me a life lesson and i am too stupid to figure it out. but you said you don't do that so i really don't understand what is happening.

really feeling like i need to disappear.
november isn't far away now.