So my Drug and Alcohol 1 on 1 counselor has perty much become my therapist (she is already). We made a bit of a breakthrough today.

The explained different family dynamics and a different way we think.

The framework of thinking includes:

-Adult: Logic and Reason
-Nurturing Parent : Emotion, Love, Care, Kindness
-Critical Parent: Strictness, Overbearance, Discipline
-Happy Child: Fun, play, laughter, goofy
-Hurt Child: Fear, anxiety, dispair, low self esteem, low self worth, introverted

The experiences of my childhood, according to her, have me constantly thinking from the hurt child prospective. This causes me to beat myself up about stuff, dwell on past errors and mistakes, and bottle up everything.

She said you need to clear out all that anger, hurt, resentment, and everything you've been bottling up for the past 15 years.

She gave me a gift. Simple written on a piece of construction paper:

STOP IT!

This is to remind myself to stop thinking like the hurt child and saying:

-I'm stupid
-Look what you've done/ How could you have?
-You're rediculous

And replace those thoughts with those of the adult (The Truth)

-I'm not stupid. I graduated highschool with a 4.11 GPA
-I made a mistake. Everyone makes them.
-I am redicoulous, but only sometimes. Everyone is rediculous sometimes.

She also said I need to give myself permission to stand up for myself and let others know how they way they are treating me makes me feel.

More or less, its time to man up. TO stop thinking like that chubby little 4th grader with glasses that gets picked on every day, and let the world know that I'm now a successful, strong, intelligent adult that can't just be walked over or beaten down.

I about cried.

She also asked if I had a picture of myself as the kid I so often think like. I immediately thought of the pic with me and my Scout buddies. I've got a massive smile on my face and its not manufactured, but a smile of true childhood happiness. She said to get it and keep it with me to remind myself of how happy I once was and can be again, if I try.

Just really felt like sharing. Thanks for reading. If anyone else has some helpful hints on how I can start thinking like the man I have become, please feel free to share.