The days go by and I wonder what to do about the way I am feeling. I've taken so many classes on how to cope with my emotions. I am in therapy and I take medication. I practice the skills that I've learned but I can't seem to feel any better. I've been depressed for a long time. I was diagnosed with bipolar 7 years ago but now I'm told that I was misdiagnosed and now I've been diagnosed as being Borderline Personality Disorder. I don't think I'm either. I do have characteristics from both disorders.

I've had suicidal thoughts for most of my life. Recently, I began drinking to help me to deal with these thoughts. I know that I'm not going to kill myself, at least not now. I have family and friends who love me and I do not want to put them through hell. In the meantime, I'm going through mental hell and it's a vicious cycle. I talk with the therapist and my friends but they can only walk with me on this journey. They offer really good temporary relief.

I joined this community to find others like myself. ARE YOU OUT THERE?? I feel caught between wanting to live and wanting to die. It's a lonely place even though I have a great support system.