Sorry if I am posting this in the wrong forum. Wasn't quite sure where to put it...
Anyway... I was born and raised in a suburb of Cleveland, OH. Lived there until I was 19 years old. I am now 24.
While I lived in Cleveland, I had a great life! Caring parents who provided me with everything I had including food, a nice home, my first car (1994 Ford Taurus
), clothes, and all the other essentials. I had ALOT of friends whom I was VERY close with and spent 75% of my time with. Living in a smaller suburb in northern Ohio, everyone tends to know each other and be cool with each other.
After graduating high school I realized that I was going nowhere in life and had no goals, ambitions, or ideas of where I even wanted to go in life. I became stressed and depressed! So out of desperation, I went to talk to a Navy recruiter and BAM, a few weeks later I signed my life away for the next 4 years!
Before I knew it, I was saying goodbye to my life which I had loved for the most part, insearch of something new and to possible grow up and figure out where I was going in life. Next came boot camp, several schools, arriving to my crew, serving a horrid 3 years on a piece of crap minesweeper with a bunch of clowns, blah blah blah... Fast forward to know...
After serving a HORRIBLE four depressing/stressful/angry/*insert any other negative emotion here* years in the U.S. Navy, I had finally flown back to the U.S. from mid deployment to the Middle East (which was my 3rd tour in my 4 years). It was finally time to get out of the Navy and move on with my life and on to the next chapter. I had hated life so much for the past 4 years while I was in the service and was SO happy to get discharged. January 25th, 2013 I was discharged under honorable conditions from the United States Navy.
I then flew home to Ohio for a month to spend the holidays there with family and to catch up with all my friends. It was great! I loved my stay there, but I still felt that over powering sense of doom and failure that I had felt before I shipped off to the Navy. I knew I couldn't stay there and had to continue my journey of life and I decided to move back on out to California.
This time I am staying in the L.A. area with two close friends. We share an apartment and I now go to college full time paid for by the U.S. Navy.
I am enjoying life so much more that I am free again. It's like starting a whole new life. A breath of fresh air.
Buuuuuut, the only problem is that I am pretty much a loner. As a matter of fact, I have been a loner for the past few years of my life ever since I left OH for the Navy. I actually enjoy being a loner alot for the most part! Free to do what I want, how I want it, when I want to do it! Not have to deal with other people's opinions and concerns. It's actually quite peaceful.
Now you're all probably thinking "wait, this guy just said that the only problem was that he is a loner. But it sure sounds like he enjoys it and it is not a problem"... I am kind of on a roller coaster. At times I do enjoy being alone for the most part, but then there are times when I absolutely hate it and just want somebody's company other than my roommates who I tend to get sick of. I get so tired of going to restaurants alone, going to the mall alone, going to movies alone, going to the bar alone, etc. It really gets lonesome and actually quite embarrassing.
It is just so hard for me to make friends and sometimes to even socialize with others. Especially females! I avoid starting conversations with people I don't know because I think it would be awkward or I just have no clue what to talk to a complete stranger about! So I live each day pretty much to myself. I go to school and do my work and then go out to lunch alone then go to the gym and workout then come home and keep to myself while I surf the web or watch a movie.
Living a lonely life can be real tough sometimes. Other times it can be quite peaceful. Anyone else have this same issue? Any tips or advice on getting over my "social anxiety and manic depression" humps? Any ways to just let go of all my negative thoughts about myself and what others may think so I can open up more to people? I'm just sick and tired of living a pathetically lonely life. I always fear that I will live the rest of my life this way and never find love and be able to start a family of my own. It's pathetic... I know.
Well thanks for reading and sorry for ranting!
Gracias por leer!