Hello Gringiore, You are not stupid. You have a hard time expressing yourself just like me. When I see my doctor sometimes I cant speak to him, he's great and very understanding. He asks me the questions and I nod. I feel like a child. I have depression and other problems but dont ever think you are stupid. When you wrote down your feelings did you feel a little better, I do but thats just me. Self loating is debilitating and very dangerous. A few weeks ago I cut myself many times and momentarily I felt good but the it didnt stop the bad feelings I had. A few weeks ago I thought about all the bad stuff. Are you on Meds! You are not lazy or pathetic. You are so very young and all of your life ahead of you. Please get some help. Print off your page and hand it to your primary care physian. Keep in touch. Stay safe and tell somebody . Please