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Here's the post I wrote the other day.
I've started thinking about WHY this is happening to me. I've had depression for over 13 years now. And the last 5 have been super hard, very debilitating! So why am I the one who has to suffer like this? Why do I have to be robbed of having a 'regular' life? I live in a small, rural community, so it is easy to notice things. Everyone around me gets their 'regular' life: school, dating, college, good jobs, marriage, kids, and some even dream careers. So how come I don't get any of that?? What did I do to deserve this? I've battled suicidal thoughts for half my life. Where is the logic or sense in that?
That last part has just been eating at me lately. I've spent over half my life battling suicidal thoughts. Just going through that battle on a constant basis. And things aren't getting better. And honestly, I'm starting to lose hope. When I first started taking meds, I said that I wouldn't make it through five years (of trying with no improvements). Two months ago was the seven year mark. I know I can't keep fighting this battle, with no improvement or relief. So what now...
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