Thanks for responding Optimize. I have actually contacted a therapist and am seeing him for the first time in about an hour.

I also did receive counseling when I was younger, but I don't think the real truth of all this hit when I was that age.

I am definitely not trying to escape myself out of penalty or consequence for my actions. I just want to do the rights things and be a better person for my wife and kids (as well as others), and earn the chances I have been given.

I suppose it comes off as sort of selfish asking for encouragement, but since when I think of these things, I consider myself to be a monster (at the time), it would be nice to know that it might not be true.

In any case, thanks for the warm welcome, and for your advice.