I can see myself a lot in the last post. Since my sleep pattern is unstable I'm happy if I can stick it to where I get the best type sleep, where it is at a sort of very vague balance point and lets me function. That means I fall asleep between 3 and 5 am. I have realized I am allowed to feel good about myself if I stick to that and don't break the 5 am thing I set up for myself. Before, other people's words stuck to me like lazy person think you're good for making such a lame effort...

When I have to get up earlier than I want to, I just cut sleep short that day and then I'm tired up to like 930 pm where I feel alive. People wonder why I don't go to bed at 9 when I'm still sleepy. Because it ruins everything. It gives me really weird sleep that I will wake from soon. They ask why I don't take a short nap in the day. I think it is rather typical for those with DSPS not being able to "just nap". If I fall asleep in the day, you cannot wake me. I am really disciplined when I need to be somewhere in the morning and such, but just set the alarm to nap... no doesn't work. Ask someone to wake me? Yea right. I can tell them to force me to get up. But somehow when they wake me I convince them I need to sleep more! It would take an earthquake to wake me from a nap. I assume the deep sleep I'm in then reminds of the type of deep sleep a normal person has around 1-3 am. So if I accidentally fall asleep in the afternoon I don't wake until maybe 11 to midnight. So naps are not allowed.

I don't think most people can fathom what it means to have a sleep "pattern" that doesn't build on natural awakenings and natural getting sleepy, but builds on the clock and discipline. It's like they would be put on a planet where some days are 30 hours, some are 40, some are just 15, and sleep according to that. It is how it feels for me.