Hi hi, Adelaide!

Let me state, I'm a transitioning MtF and have been for about five years now. Delving into the gender side of ones self can be extremely difficult. I didn't end up confronting myself about it till I was about 31, but was having issues with it as far back as I could remember.

I understand the not being able to trust yourself, I go through that as well, and sometimes my thoughts sway pretty far. I know that I probably would have been able to start transitioning if it wasn't for the support I've had over the years from friends and family who supported me. I know in the beginning for me, I went through a LOT of questioning myself, what was doing, what was I thinking. I had that even after starting my transition.

The whole be yourself statements people use, I tend to feel, are way over used. It's a far more complicated then that. Sure it's great for folks who don't have complex issues, but for the rest of us, it's like having to scale Everest in sandals. The primary way to figure it out relies on introspection, and a lot of it. Having a Gender Therapist is real helpful too. Gender is not the simply black and white that a lot of people think it is. It's like picking one teddy bear and having a thousand colors to choose from.

Being OK with it, that's well... Some have the mindset to take it in stride and just sail on, others can struggle for years and years. A lot of that does have to do with your starting mindset and perceptions of gender and sex. Sometimes, those foundations need to be torn down and rebuilt. I have had a lot of problems. I will say this, if you feel like the dealership installed the wrong parts, being OK with it is... Not so great. I have known Non-Ops, folks who had medical reasons why they can't transition, and their lives are hard, hard, hard. For me, transitioning was the best choice I ever made for myself.

Like you, I could ramble, and ramble. I practically lived at a trans site long ago, if that says how much ramble, ramble, ramble I could do!