I just feel like sharing this to someone

For months now I've been feeling totally careless, I've literally not cared for anything! I haven't been able to cry, not even when my mom threatened to throw me out or when she locked me inside a small room with no lights on (which was craaaazy). I haven't felt happy about anything either, and it's really been bugging me. When I've been to therapy I've felt like I haven't been taken seriously, because I have shown no emotions what so ever.

HOWEVER! On wednesday I saw my therapist again, and we talked about me not being able to feel anything, and she told me about something called "affect phobia", which is fear of feeling, and I could totally relate to everything she said. She asked me a lot of questions, and as I answered them, we realized I've been trying to protect myself by blocking out all emotions. And suddenly, as we talked and I became aware of what was wrong, all my feelings just loosened up, and I CRIED, for the first time in MONTHS!

It felt SOOOO good, and after the session, I've been feeling SO much in EVERY way! When something great happens, I genuinely feel happy about it, and I've actually been crying myself to sleep every night since our session, which sounds like a bad thing, but it's really been helping me get some emotional release!

I'm so happy I'm finally feeling something again! This was really a breakthrough for me, opening my heart and accepting my feelings.