No, I think I should apologize. I had no idea that you were 30. Why didn't you see
your family doctor when you were 18 or 21 and explain to him that you thought you were suicidal and needed help? It isn't too late now, you know, and you do need help, in my view.

There is so much that can be done now to treat bipolar illness and depression (and other mental illnesses), but you have to let somebody know that you need to be seen and diagnosed for whatever the problem is.

Please, call your doctor and go in to talk about what you think is wrong and ask
for a referral if he thinks it's a good idea for you to see a psychiatrist.

I hope you will go in and get assistance. You know, if you are bipolar and you do not get treatment over a long period of years, it could cause some damage to the brain. You need to take care of the problem now while you're still young and able
to be medicated and start a new, healthy way of living and feeling.

Good wishes.