I'm scared that, due to money issues, I may have to quit going to therapy. It might come down to therapy or meds and I need the meds. God, what have I done to myself? Out of all the impulsive behavior I could have been "blessed" with, I got impulsive spending. Nice.

BTW, I still have the impulse to spend (though I don't know why, it's not fulfilling, not like having friends or relationships would be), so now I feel the stress of fighting the impulse as well as the stress of being in over my head in debt. I feel as though I'm choking all the time. I'm only mild-to-moderately depressed but I have to say, I don't enjoy my life at all. Like I've said a million times... I just need a win right now.

Sorry. I know I'm going long these days. The end.